My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

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A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

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I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media, like, why am I showing my life?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

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I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.