Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Spotted on Reddit:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

Live now on Pinterest:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

Breaking via X:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Shared recently on X:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Shared recently on X:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Every time I open my wallet, I get a surprise tear-jerking performance worthy of an Oscar! 🧅💸😂

cry, crying, expense, finance, humor, joke, me, money, onion, opening, sarcasm, wallet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

0

2 months ago

after, another, dog, fashion, getting, getting ready, humor, ID, know, me, outfit, party, perspective, pet, pet perspective, ready, thinking, try, while
I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

0

2 months ago

again, body, cremated, cremation, dark, dark humor, death, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, smoking-hot, want, witty
Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

0

2 months ago

age, animal, animals, crazy, family, funny question, humor, mom, older, only, question, why, year
You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

0

2 months ago

appearance, comment, costume, funny comment, Halloween, humor, joke, self, yourself
I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

0

2 months ago

authenticity, being, disappointment, honesty, humor, i, myself, personality, right, self, start
It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

0

2 months ago

back, expectation, humor, irony, job, just, love, relationship, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

22 shares on Discord this month:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Breaking via Telegram:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Just landed via Slack:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Shared recently on Threads:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Trending via Messenger:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Just shared via YouTube:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨