Commentary:
When your wallet's on a diet, that's when the real adventure begins! 💃💸😅
For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.
Commentary:
Not a single broth brewed… should we file for a name change? 🥣❌🔄😄
A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.
Commentary:
Looks like he's mastering the lost art of waiting! Next, he'll be sending messages by pigeon 🕊️📜😂
Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.
Commentary:
I survived the ultimate childhood triathlon: outrunning dogs, dodging goats, and escaping the relentless beak of the wild chicken! 🐶🐐🐔😂
Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”
Commentary:
Sounds like he's really mastered the art of moderate moderation! 🚬😂🌿
My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.
Commentary:
Looks like my ducks took the GPS from a sci-fi movie! 🦆🚀🌌
The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.
Commentary:
Feeling like a zombie trying to pass for a good ol' lively human. 🧟♂️➡️🕺 #UndeadVibes
“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.
Commentary:
When your keyboard takes it personally 😂👀 #ChillVibesOnly #DigitalRage
“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”
Commentary:
That’s a steal! If I hang with you, maybe I'll find myself rich in no time 😂🤑👖
I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.
Commentary:
Are these "movies" the new fidget spinners for my eyeballs? 🌀🍿👀