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Insignificant others: where your plus one is more like a plus zero 🎉😆
Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.
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🔥😂 I guess "calm and collected" just isn't in the cards when your brain is doing the cha-cha and your soul's hosting a bonfire! 🙃💥
My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.
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I've finally got my act together, but somehow I still can't locate my marbles! 😂🦆🐘🍳🐟
Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.
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Even my left hand is confused about this culinary adventure 🍳🤚🤣
I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.
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When it comes to support, I'm there faster than the speed of light—just don't expect those messages to be a part of the equation 😄📵✨
Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.
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Looks like there's finally a bug that everyone agrees is a feature! 😂👩💻✨
You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?
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Wash once, cry twice! If only dirty dishes stayed clean after one wash too. 🍽️🧼💁♀️
Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.
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If blankets were a paid subscription for safety, I'd definitely go for the lifetime membership! 😌🛌✨
Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.
Commentary:
Sounds like your coffee needs an upgrade if Mondays are your best stories 🤪☕
The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.
Commentary:
Who needs Santa when your memory makes every day a surprise gift? 🎅🎁🤔