Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,499

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Going viral on Twitch:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Seen just now on Slack:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Seen just now on Threads:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Making waves on Facebook:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'll be fabulously misunderstood in head-to-toe black 😎🖤✨

attire, attitude, black, black attire, fashion, humor, people, people pleasing, pleasing, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

0

2 months ago

community, diagnose, health, humor, media, mental, mental health, online, online community, patients, psychiatric, psychiatric ward, social, social media, Twitter, ward, where
Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

0

2 months ago

calory, cheese, diet, humor, me, politics, promise, vote
I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

0

2 months ago

dog, give, give up, humor, i, knows, loyalty, much, never, pet, pet humor, too, too much
Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

0

2 months ago

30, commercial, concept, enjoy, enjoyment, free, humor, irony, minutes, music, next, Spotify, time
Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

0

2 months ago

cause, dating, doing, epidemic, humor, interaction, loneliness, male, male loneliness, proud, social, social interaction
People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

0

2 months ago

breed, confusion, different, emotional, emotional confusion, happiness, happy, instability, irony, listen, mental, mental state, mood, mood swings, music, people, playlist, sad, sad playlist, state, swings, unstable

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

79 shares on Facebook this month:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

38 shares on Threads this month:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

74 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Spotted on Twitch:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Trending via TikTok:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

Spotted on Twitch:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Breaking via Discord:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Seen just now on X:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Spotted on X:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Seen just now on Discord:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨