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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,600

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Making waves on Instagram:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Just landed via Slack:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Making waves on Slack:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Spotted on X:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Breaking via YouTube:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Live now on Facebook:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Taking email correspondence from 'Best regards' to 'Boom, now you're intrigued!' 💥🙌🤣"

boom, casual, casual tone, communication, email, emails, expression, funny phrase, humor, phrase, shakalaka, signature, slang, today, tone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

0

2 months ago

anything, good, humor, invent, invention, job, motivated, motivation, need, people, skills, social
Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

0

2 months ago

appointment, dentist, humor, ID, officer, order, reminder, restraining, restraining order, sarcasm, system, yes
My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

0

2 months ago

communication, contain, frequency, hear, humor, men, relationships, theory, voice, voices, women’s, women’s voice
The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, context, humor, insane, me, relationship, sexual, sexual tension, tension, vanishing
I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

0

2 months ago

communication, frustration, humor, i, mad, me, message, relationship, response, telepathy
If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

0

2 months ago

disaster, earthquake, ever, experience, fear, Godzilla, humor, i, monster, reaction, thought

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Messenger this month:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

50 shares on X this month:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

83 shares on X this month:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

48 shares on X this month:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Going viral on Discord:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Dear Santa, Money!

Spotted on Snapchat:

Been telling everyone, “It’s been a good year for horses.” No idea whether that’s true or not, but they keep nodding like it makes a lot of sense.

Making waves on Threads:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Shared recently on Threads:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨