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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I have nothing in common with people who “forget to eat”.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,638

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Making waves on X:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Spotted on Snapchat:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Seen just now on Slack:

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Live now on X:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
That moment when your couch suddenly has a magnetic pull stronger than any social plans 🤣🛋️📞

avoidance, cancel, excuse, honesty, humor, i, just, plans, procrastination, social, social plans, sorry, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

1 month ago
board, charcuterie, cheddar, cleverness, food, humor, intelligence, joke, wit
Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

5 months ago
board, decor, fear, home, home decor, house, humor, marriage, Pinterest, relationship, scary, want
Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

4 months ago
after, after work, close, coping, coping mechanism, drinking, drunk, humor, i, joke, just, mechanism, quitting, work
When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

1 month ago
bad, before, good, hear, humor, interesting, IT, never, never seen, oh, report, seen, something, technology, troubleshooting
My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

3 months ago
always, coffee, confidence, daily, daily routine, drink, humor, plan, plans, routine, same, sexy, today
I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

1 month ago
guys, humor, i, joke, late, lifestyle, mafia, never, night, sleep, stay

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Trending via Discord:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Going viral on YouTube:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Just landed via Telegram:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Just shared via Telegram:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Just landed via Twitch:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Breaking via Telegram:

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

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Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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