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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,880

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Just shared via Instagram:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Trending via Discord:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Going viral on Telegram:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Trending via Discord:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Seen just now on Facebook:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Making waves on TikTok:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Making waves on TikTok:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who says romance is dead when you’ve got AI on speed dial? 😄💌📱 #TechieLove"

20, anniversary, ChatGPT, creative, digital, effort, gift, humor, me, minutes, note, perfect, relationship, romantic, sarcasm, spent, tech, tell, training, try, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

0

3 weeks ago

advice, after, amount, back, book, books, bookshelf, cut, decision, hearing, humor, i, listen, listening, people, reading, too
If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

0

2 months ago

alone, backwards, comedy, healing, home, home alone, kid, love, men, movie, perspective, story, watch
Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

0

2 months ago

behaved, behavior, cause, home, humor, i, kids, me, observation, parenting, say, someone, well, well behaved, whenever
Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

0

5 months ago

business, enough, go out of business, humor, i, job, leave, leaving, need, quitting, revenge, sarcasm, workplace
Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

0

2 months ago

alone, attitude, candle, candle in the wind, humor, independence, just, leave, life, living, man, me, personal, personal space, space, wind
If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

0

2 months ago

chocolate, death, death penalty, dessert, ever, hope, humor, i, irony, option, penalty, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on X this month:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

68 shares on X this month:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Making waves on TikTok:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

Trending via Messenger:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Just landed via Slack:

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

Just landed via Threads:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

Just landed via Discord:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨