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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Jan 6, 2026

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Seen just now on YouTube:

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

Going bananas on Threads:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Going viral on Instagram:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Seen just now on Threads:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Trending via Threads:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Going viral on Threads:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Just landed via Slack:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

2 months ago

0

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the undecided voter – the most sought-after creature during election season! 🤔🗳️ Seeking attention while keeping us all on our toes with those indecisive vibes. Who needs Netflix dramas when we have undecided voters? 😄 #ElectionDrama"

attention, everyone, humor, i, need, politics, satire, self-promotion, undecided, voter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

0

2 months ago

faking, humor, i, sarcasm, think
After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

0

4 weeks ago

advice, after, amount, back, book, books, bookshelf, cut, decision, hearing, humor, i, listen, listening, people, reading, too
Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

0

2 months ago

animals, bird, birds, celebrity, humor, recognition, singing, well
When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

0

2 months ago

animal, awww, cute, cute animal, humor, nature, observation, reaction, say, squirrel, wildlife
Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

0

2 months ago

5, back, dating, disappointment, humor, joke, key, Mambo, me, minor, music, music parody, musical, musical joke, naming, parody, relationships, text, texting, women
This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

0

2 months ago

ceremony, commentary, email, event, humor, me, observation, social, social event, unexpected, wedding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Twitch this month:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

70 shares on Slack this month:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

93 shares on Discord this month:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

30 shares on Telegram this month:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,290

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Making waves on YouTube:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Just landed via Slack:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Just landed via WeChat:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

Going bananas on Discord:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Making waves on Messenger:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

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