Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,275

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Seen just now on Facebook:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Live now on Slack:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Breaking via Discord:

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

Shared recently on Discord:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Breaking via Threads:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Trending via WeChat:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Just shared via TikTok:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

22 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Time for a system reboot? Asking for a friend who really enjoys 0 AD parties! 🙏🎉🔄

another, big, calendar, getting, humor, Jesus, joke, number, religious, religious joke, soon, time, too, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

0

2 months ago

apple, cute, day, doctor, forget, fruit, health, humor, joke, relationship
They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

0

2 months ago

compatibility, friends, humor, invention, life, line, planning, schedule, should, social, social life, yours
Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

0

2 months ago

chicken, chicken nugget, chicken nuggets, diet, food, humor, indulgence, nice, nugget, preference, skinny
You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

0

2 months ago

age, certain, fitness, health, humor, life, life realization, realization, realize, self-care, stretching
I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

0

2 months ago

add, affection, humor, ID, keychain, playful, quirky, relationship, shrink
I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

0

2 months ago

build, building, comedy, comparison, cook, cooking, expectation, gender, gender roles, guy, hate, house, house building, humor, i, irony, relationship, roles

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

27 shares on WeChat this month:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

58 shares on Threads this month:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Spotted on X:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Seen just now on Threads:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Seen just now on Instagram:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Making waves on Pinterest:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Going viral on Discord:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨