Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,553

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Seen just now on X:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Spotted on Messenger:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Just shared via Messenger:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Going viral on WeChat:

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

Just shared via WeChat:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

0
There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When it comes to food thieves, keep your friends close and your forks closer! 🍴👀 #SharingIsCaringButNotAlways"

, , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

90 shares on Telegram this month:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

76 shares on Discord this month:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,236

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

Breaking via Slack:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Just landed via TikTok:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Just shared via Slack:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Spotted on Messenger:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Trending via Telegram:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴