Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

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I can resist everything except temptation.

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I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

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Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

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Shazam but for random noises outside.

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When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

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My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

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No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

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Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

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Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

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Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?