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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Happiness is an inside job.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Going viral on Instagram:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Live now on Telegram:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

Spotted on X:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Freshly posted on X:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Trending via Slack:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about sneaky habits and avoiding doorbells, capturing a humorous, mischievous vibe.

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Commentary:
Probably around the same time I stop eating cereal for dinner 🍜🏠🔍

age, answering, around, curiosity, door, grow, home, house, humor, i, knocking, sneaking

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Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on YouTube this month:

I love men with a provider fetish.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

Pyjamas straight off a hot radiator is a winner. Damn, I’m old.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Just landed via Threads:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Trending via Snapchat:

Seeing yourself on a FaceTime screenshot really humbles you.

Trending via Pinterest:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Spotted on Threads:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

Breaking via TikTok:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

Breaking via X:

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

Going viral on Twitch:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Just shared via Telegram:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Live now on Messenger:

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

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Activity Log ✨

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

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Activity Log ✨

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

Keep the laugh going 😂

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

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