Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,596

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Just shared via Messenger:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Just shared via Threads:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Spotted on Discord:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Just landed via Reddit:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Making waves on YouTube:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Probably around the same time I stop eating cereal for dinner 🍜🏠🔍

age, answering, around, curiosity, door, grow, home, house, humor, i, knocking, sneaking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

2 months ago

computer, humor, idiot, mean, professional, sarcasm, technology, user, word
How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

2 months ago

container, craving, cream, dessert, eating, food, ice, ice cream, still, stop, temptation
Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

2 months ago

commandment, humor, interaction, just, neighbor, read, religion, rules, shit, ten, time
I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

2 months ago

alarm, angry, bed, early, enough, extra, having, humor, i, lay, management, morning, morning routine, procrastination, routine, set, sure, time, time management, wake, wake up
I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

2 months ago

budget, Christmas, December, everyone, finance, getting, gift, holiday, hug, humor, i
“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

6 months ago

always, going, humor, i, lie, morning, myself, procrastination, self-talk, sleep, tell, tonight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I wish I was a millennial, so I could talk about sex with my friends.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

88 shares on X this month:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

31 shares on X this month:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Shared recently on YouTube:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

Going viral on Twitch:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Making waves on Facebook:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Freshly posted on X:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Live now on Pinterest:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨