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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,661

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

Live now on WeChat:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

Live now on Telegram:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Making waves on Discord:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Trending via Telegram:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Spotted on Facebook:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Just shared via Threads:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"Next time you're feeling low, just remember – you're the Michael Phelps of sperm! Keep swimming, champ!"

feeling, humor, life, motivation, optimism, perspective, self-esteem, sperm, winning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

2 months ago

communication, humor, listen, man, memory, never, relationship, remember, rule, something, woman
In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

1 month ago

court, defense, funnyquote, honor, humor, i, judge, left, legal, unsupervised
The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

2 months ago

divisible, humor, joke, language, minister, politics, prime, prime minister, wordplay
I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

1 month ago

attitude, humor, life, me, playful, please, sarcasm, self-deprecating, spoiled, trying, unspoiled, witty
Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

1 month ago

addiction, caffeine, crazy, drug, effect, energy, God, health, humor, just, negative, short, side, side effect, super, super drug
I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

2 months ago

every, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, life, own, popping, relatable, shit, single, someone, startled, talk, time, toast, watching

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Live now on X:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Spotted on Messenger:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Making waves on Facebook:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Seen just now on Threads:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

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Activity Log ✨

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

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Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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