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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Broadcasted on Discord:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Trending via YouTube:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

Spotted on Twitch:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Finally, a use for deep fake technology that saves us from the 'Can you hear me now?' struggle! 🤔🤖💼

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Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

88 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

18 shares on Threads this month:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

90 shares on TikTok this month:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Being social sucks all my energy.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Going viral on TikTok:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Just landed via Discord:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Spotted on TikTok:

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Going bananas on Telegram:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Just shared via WeChat:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

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Activity Log ✨

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨