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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,620

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

Making waves on Facebook:

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

Just landed via Reddit:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"When your patience clock hits 0, but the day clock is stuck on eternal daylight savings! 🌞⏰🙃"

day, end, end of day, frustration, humor, impatience, joke, left, much, patience, sarcasm, time, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

1 month ago
awkwardness, boyfriend, dinner, humor, invitation, invited, move, neighbors, over, relationship, situation, social, social situation
People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

1 month ago
drive, humor, i, insane, irony, people, psychology, relationships, say, told
He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

3 months ago
bagel, burger, comparison, everything, everything bagel, food, food metaphor, humor, just, metaphor, nothing, nothing burger, self-deprecation
As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

3 months ago
entertainment, forgive, humor, low, low self-esteem, man, men, need, self-esteem, woman, yourself
I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

1 month ago
driving, humor, i, overtaking, people, reason, road, sarcasm, speed, traffic, why
The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

1 month ago
activity, chase, craving, cream, fitness, fun, fun activity, humor, ice, ice cream, running, truck

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Breaking via WeChat:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Shared recently on Slack:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Shared recently on Discord:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Seen just now on Threads:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Trending via Facebook:

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

Just shared via Messenger:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

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Activity Log ✨

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

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Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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