You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

97 shares on Threads this month:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

75 shares on Facebook this month:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.