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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,634

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Going viral on TikTok:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Trending via Discord:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Just landed via Reddit:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

Just landed via YouTube:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Trending via Facebook:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Spotted on Slack:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

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A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.
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Commentary:
Teamwork makes the dreamwork… or at least makes more laundry! 😂👰🤵🧺

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Threads this month:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

67 shares on Messenger this month:

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

17 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

48 shares on Discord this month:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

47 shares on Slack this month:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a person for me and me only.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When did making sense stop making sense?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Making waves on Twitch:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Making waves on Messenger:

Weirdos gonna weird.

Making waves on Facebook:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

Seen just now on Twitch:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Trending via Instagram:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

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