Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,888

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

Just shared via X:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Making waves on Facebook:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Trending via YouTube:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Spotted on Discord:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Live now on Facebook:

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who's ready for yet another grand opening of the Life's Reboot store? 🎉🔄😅

again, alive, begin, humor, i, life, perseverance, repetition

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

0

2 months ago

Adam, bible, eve, florence, Florence and the Machine, humor, machine, music, religion, said, sexuality, unnatural, vibrator, wordplay, wrong
“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

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5 months ago

dramatic, exaggeration, humor, i, intensity, just, reaction, Shakespearean, times, widow
The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

0

4 months ago

burnout, energy, even, exhaustion, fatigue, levels, reaching, stress, tiredness
I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

0

2 months ago

activity, bathroom, clean, cleaning, crime, destroy, destroying, evidence, funny activity, humor, i, listening, podcast, pretend, true, true crime
Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

0

3 months ago

anything, communication, hear, hearing, humor, i, language, listening, me, mispronunciation, next, think
To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

0

2 months ago

back, everyday, everyday life, ghosts, going, humor, imagination, life, playful, quirky, right, store, supernatural, walls

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Slack this month:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

16 shares on Discord this month:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Making waves on Twitch:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Going viral on Slack:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Just landed via Reddit:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨