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"From shaken, not stirred to southern detective drawl—Daniel Craig just can't resist a good mystery! 🕵️‍♂️🔍🍸 #From007toDubyaDubyaDubya"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

1 month ago

care, chicken, chicken nugget, chicken nuggets, date, food, gift, humor, love, nugget, relationship, rose, show
How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

1 month ago

bad, choice, consequences, decision, future, humor, nobody, shows, stop, time, time travel, travel
Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

1 month ago

day, driving, escort, humor, Midwest, police, police escort, road, road trip, salt, salt truck, snowy, snowy day, trip, truck, winter
I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

1 month ago

again, doing, growth, hard, humor, i, introspection, myself, personal, personal growth, sarcasm, self-awareness, self-reflection, taken
Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

1 month ago

around, cleanup, distraction, found, humor, organizing, playing, procrastination, sitting, somewhere, things, tidying
The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

2 months ago

conflict, craving, donut, humor, hunger, i, jealousy, me, nemesis, person, rivalry

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Study so hard until Dior is like Shein to you.

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People never run off to join the circus anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

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The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

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Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

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Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

Making waves on YouTube:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Making waves on Pinterest:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Trending via Instagram:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

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Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Tested positive for being single af

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

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Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

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