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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

235 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,504

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,504

Jan 6, 2026

3,675

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

Making waves on Threads:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Going viral on Twitch:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Spreading quickly via X:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Just shared via Facebook:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

2 months ago

0

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone’s got the Sunshine State of Mind—minus the literacy and maybe a few manners! 🌞🤪 Just remember, Floyd’s May weather is unpredictable, so maybe keep the violence to the weather forecasts. 🌩️😂 Stay cool and don’t let the clouds get you down! ☁️💥

comparison, feeling, Floyd, humor, illiterate, May weather, personality, violent, weather

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

0

2 months ago

fear, flip, flip flop, flop, flops, footwear, humor, i, ID, imagination, scared, spider, think, tiny
I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

0

2 months ago

history, human, human nature, humor, i, irony, nature, people, repeat, repetition, stupid, stupidity, why
It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

0

1 week ago

bathroom, bathroom break, break, breaks, health, humor, hydrated, hydration, important, office, productivity, stay, take, water, work
If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

0

2 months ago

Airwrecka, call, daughter, Erica, ever, going, humor, i, name, spell, spelling
I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

0

5 months ago

coffee, drink, humor, hydration, i, iced, iced coffee, love, myself, self-care, wellness
Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

0

4 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, being, clock, feels, flirt, hostage, hostage situation, humor, situation, while, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

92 shares on X this month:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

97 shares on Slack this month:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

20 shares on Threads this month:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

91 shares on YouTube this month:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop dating if you have no car.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

235 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,504

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,504

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,322

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Just shared via YouTube:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Broadcasted on Slack:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Just landed via Instagram:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Just shared via Threads:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Making waves on Messenger:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Trending via X:

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Trending via Facebook:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Just landed via Slack:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

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