Commentary:
"9-5 is really 10-2 if you're working remote – where the snooze button becomes your best colleague #RemoteWorkLife"
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I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.
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Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.
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My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.
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I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.
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How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?
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The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.
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Social Media Log
Just landed via Discord:
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Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
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I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.
Just shared via Reddit:
Just landed via Reddit:
I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.
Shared recently on Facebook:
How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?
Just shared via LinkedIn:
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.
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Freshly posted on WeChat:
I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.
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Funny Quotes Data
702 added this month
10,864
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13,838
10,864
26 minutes ago
3,430
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I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”
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Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?
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The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.
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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.
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After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.
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Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.
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Social Media Log
Spotted on Pinterest:
I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.
Making waves on TikTok:
People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.
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Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.
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Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.
Live now on Pinterest:
Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.
Going viral on Threads:
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