90 funny bathroom quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

May 25, 2026

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

May 25, 2026

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

May 25, 2026

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

May 25, 2026

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

May 25, 2026

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

May 25, 2026

I have to pee. Story of my life.

May 25, 2026

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

May 24, 2026

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

May 24, 2026

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

May 24, 2026

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

May 24, 2026

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

May 23, 2026

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

May 23, 2026

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

May 23, 2026

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

May 23, 2026

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

May 23, 2026

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

May 23, 2026

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

May 23, 2026

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

May 23, 2026

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

May 23, 2026

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

May 23, 2026

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

May 22, 2026

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

May 22, 2026

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

May 22, 2026

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

May 22, 2026

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

May 22, 2026

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

May 22, 2026

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

May 22, 2026

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

May 22, 2026

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

May 22, 2026

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

May 22, 2026

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

May 22, 2026

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

May 21, 2026

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

May 21, 2026

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

May 21, 2026

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

May 21, 2026

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

May 21, 2026

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

May 20, 2026

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

May 20, 2026

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

May 20, 2026