90 funny bathroom quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Apr 1, 2026

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Apr 1, 2026

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

Apr 1, 2026

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Apr 1, 2026

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Apr 1, 2026

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Mar 31, 2026

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Mar 31, 2026

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Mar 31, 2026

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Mar 31, 2026

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Mar 31, 2026

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Mar 31, 2026

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Mar 31, 2026

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

Mar 31, 2026

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Mar 31, 2026

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Mar 31, 2026

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Mar 31, 2026

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Mar 31, 2026

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Mar 31, 2026

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Mar 30, 2026

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Mar 30, 2026

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Mar 30, 2026

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Mar 30, 2026

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Mar 30, 2026

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Mar 30, 2026

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Mar 30, 2026

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Mar 30, 2026

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Mar 29, 2026

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Mar 29, 2026

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Mar 29, 2026

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Mar 29, 2026

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Mar 28, 2026

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Mar 28, 2026

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Mar 28, 2026

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Mar 28, 2026

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Mar 28, 2026

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Mar 28, 2026

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

Mar 28, 2026

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Mar 28, 2026

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Mar 28, 2026

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Mar 28, 2026