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New funny quotes: 56 this month

15,809 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Mar 13, 2026

 

 

 

 

Funny comedian quotes

Funny comedian quotes are the perfect dose of laughter medicine 😂🎤 Whether you need a quick pick-me-up or want to brighten your day, these witty gems from stand-up stars will have you chuckling in no time 🤣✨ Get ready to share some giggles and spread the joy—because who doesn’t love a clever punchline? 🎭💬 Let the hilarity begin!

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Posted onJan 22, 2026

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Posted onJan 22, 2026

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Posted onJan 21, 2026

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Posted onJan 19, 2026

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