Commentary:
"Trusting a politician is like trusting a cat with a laser pointer — proceed with caution! 🐱🔦😆"
395 Funny every quotes
Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.
Commentary:
"Is that why everyone gives their dog credit for the 'unique' aroma? 😂🐶🏠 #NoseBlind"
Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.
Commentary:
"Typos are the spice of life! 🎲📧 Who knew autocorrect was a prankster in disguise? 😅🖋️"
Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, I'm just the live-in butler for two tiny fur dictators! 🐾🏡😺"
I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.
Commentary:
"At least my GPS and I have one thing in common—we're both lost! 🚗🔄🤔 #LifeRecalculating"
A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.
Commentary:
"Every email she sends is a crime against beauty! 🥺💌 #JusticeForBeauties"
If every day is a gift, today is socks.
Commentary:
"Socks today? Well, at least it's not another fruitcake! 🎁🧦😂"
I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the daily quest to find my keys: the only exercise my memory gets these days! 🗝️🤔🔍 Late, but with style!"
I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.
Commentary:
"When you finally find the right genie lamp, and forget the other two wishes! 🧞♂️⏰💊😂"
This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.
Commentary:
"Temple maintenance plan: Controlled demolition daily! 🙃💣 #LivingOnTheEdge"