72 funny heart quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

May 24, 2026

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

May 24, 2026

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

May 24, 2026

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

May 24, 2026

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

May 24, 2026

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

May 23, 2026

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

May 23, 2026

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

May 23, 2026

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

May 23, 2026

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

May 23, 2026

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

May 23, 2026

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

May 23, 2026

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

May 22, 2026

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

May 22, 2026

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

May 22, 2026

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

May 21, 2026

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

May 21, 2026

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

May 20, 2026

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

May 20, 2026

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

May 20, 2026

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

May 20, 2026

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

May 20, 2026

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

May 19, 2026

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

May 19, 2026

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

May 19, 2026

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

May 19, 2026

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

May 19, 2026

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

May 19, 2026

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

May 19, 2026

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

May 18, 2026

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

May 18, 2026

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

May 18, 2026