Commentary:
When the pre-party snacks turn into your main event 🥳🎉🍕#EarlyBirdSpecial
142 Funny lifestyle quotes
I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.
Commentary:
I feel personally attacked by this new definition of "sleeping in" 😂😴🌞
There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.
Commentary:
Why split a mansion? My five friends and ten dogs already own the deed to my heart! 🏰🐾😂
Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
Commentary:
Living the dream, sounds like a real nightmare! 😂😎
Eating healthy requires a second job.
Commentary:
Guess I’ll need a third job just to afford dessert! 🥑💸🍰
I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.
Commentary:
Too true! Nothing like dancing through the aisles of the hardware store, groovin’ to the sound of hammers and wrenches 🕺🔨😄
It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.
Commentary:
Getting buff and dusting: my two-part struggle is basically an Olympic event now! 🏋️♂️🏠😅
I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.
Commentary:
Me too! My idea of fun is knitting a wild new scarf and binge-watching documentaries 😂🧶📚
Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?
Commentary:
Trying to give up junk food is like trying to break up with the love of your life 🍔🍕💔😅
By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].
Commentary:
Looks like my addiction to procrastination is right on track! 😅🛋️⏰