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76 Funny live quotes

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The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.
I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.
If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!
I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.
My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

More funny live quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Commentary:
Living in a city where seagulls are the fashionably exclusive bird poop connoisseurs – a true sign of elite urban living! 💁‍♂️🏙️ Who needs mundane pigeon droppings when you can boast a splash of seaside sophistication? Embrace the unexpected blessings from above, darling! 💩🕊️ #CityLivingElevated
5 months ago
Share →: People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Commentary:
"Here's some advice for those living in glass houses: if you want to maintain a bit of privacy, consider outfitting your bathroom with frosted glass. Nobody wants a peek-a-boo moment in the loo! 🚽🔍😆"
5 months ago
Share →: My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal dance of financial responsibility versus YOLO mentality! 💸🎉 It's like trying to balance your piggy bank on one foot while doing the Cha-Cha slide. 💃💰 Just remember, you can't spell "YOLO" without "LOL" – so embrace the budgeting rollercoaster with a side of laughter! 😄🎢 #BrokeButFabulous
5 months ago
Share →: Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Commentary:
Having kids is a surefire way to turn your cozy home into a labyrinth of lost items! 🤪🔍 It's like living in a real-life game of "Hide and Seek" where the only thing hiding is your sanity! 🏠🧸 #ParentingPuzzle
5 months ago
Share →: I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Commentary:
I feel this quote on a spiritual level 🙉😂 It's a true struggle trying to balance intense focus and social interactions without giving away that you were actually daydreaming about what you're having for dinner 🤔🍕 Just smile, nod, and hope for the best! 🤣 #SelectiveHearingStruggles
5 months ago
Share →: Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Commentary:
"Feeling incompetent at work? Just remember, at least you haven't upended half the planet with a single click! 😅💻 #SoftwareFail"
5 months ago
Share →: As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'I'm disappointed in you' line from authority figures – the ultimate weapon of guilt! 🙄 Who knew they were expecting you to be the next superhero all along? 🦸‍♂️ Maybe they should lower their expectations to 'able to adult without setting the kitchen on fire.' 🤷‍♂️ Time to break free from the disappointment prison and live your best chaotic life! 🎉"
5 months ago
Share →: Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Sources confirm that this post is indeed coming at you from Planet Earth 🌍🚀! And remember, folks, location, location, location – it's all about that intergalactic privacy 💫👽! Keep 'em guessing, Earthling! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Commentary:
"Thinking before speaking? That's so last season, darling! 🤔❌ Live life on the edge and let those unfiltered thoughts fly! 😂💬 Who has time for censoring when you can be your fabulous self? 💁‍♀️💃 #NoFilterNeeded"
5 months ago
Share →: Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Commentary:
"Paw Patrol: training our children to expect talking dogs saving the day 🐾🦸‍♂️ As for the dogs' lifespan, let's just hope they have enough years left to endure all those rescue missions! 🐶🕰️ #LiveLongAndPawspurr"