253 funny man quotes - Page 4 - Wordgag

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

May 19, 2026

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

May 19, 2026

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

May 19, 2026

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

May 19, 2026

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

May 19, 2026

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

May 19, 2026

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

May 19, 2026

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

May 19, 2026

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

May 19, 2026

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

May 19, 2026

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

May 19, 2026

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

May 19, 2026

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

May 19, 2026

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

May 19, 2026

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

May 19, 2026

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

May 19, 2026

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

May 19, 2026

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

May 19, 2026

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

May 18, 2026

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

May 18, 2026

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

May 18, 2026

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

May 18, 2026

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Apr 1, 2026

It’s so unrealistic for me to delete WhatsApp, but man, I’d love to do it.

Apr 1, 2026

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

Apr 1, 2026

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Apr 1, 2026

British people be like “I was born in E-sex, grew up in Woke Ham, moved to Man Chest Hair, went to uni in Rotten Stall.”

Apr 1, 2026

Men used to go to war. Now they say, “Hey, Grok.”

Apr 1, 2026

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

Apr 1, 2026

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

Apr 1, 2026

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Apr 1, 2026

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Apr 1, 2026

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Apr 1, 2026

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Apr 1, 2026

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Apr 1, 2026

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

Apr 1, 2026

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Apr 1, 2026

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

Apr 1, 2026

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Apr 1, 2026

Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.

Apr 1, 2026