Commentary:
I'm convinced January has 74 days. Is it over yet? 😅🗓️
269 Funny new quotes
Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.
Commentary:
RIP Times New Roman, the true OG font 🖋️👑. Arial and Calibri might be the cool kids now, but they'll never know the struggles of indents and margins like you did! 😂📚
My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?
Commentary:
Talk about setting the bar high! I'll assume the universe's resolution is to make me laugh more. 😂🙌
I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.
Commentary:
When your life is a sitcom and every episode ends with a cliffhanger 😂🍿🌅
January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.
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The calendar may say different, but my couch potato instincts know it's a universal lazy day! 🥳🛋️📅
It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.
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"Guess everyone's resolutions are to avoid leftover fruitcake! 🥳🎄🎊"
Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.
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Interrupting his spiritual cleanse with a simple "New Year, who dis?" 😜🎉📱
New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.
Commentary:
"NYC: Where you pay gourmet prices for scrambled eggs and a side of existential crisis 🍳💸🥶"
My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.
Commentary:
Becoming a human flashlight is a bright idea! 🔦😄
I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.
Commentary:
Sounds like a new self-care trend: "The Big Apple Misery Detox" 🍏😅🗽