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80 Funny pun quotes

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

3 months ago

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

3 months ago

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

3 months ago

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

3 months ago

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

3 months ago

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

3 months ago

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

3 months ago

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

3 months ago

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

3 months ago

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

3 months ago

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

3 months ago

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

3 months ago

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

3 months ago

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

3 months ago

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

3 months ago

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

3 months ago

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

3 months ago

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

3 months ago

I’m lacking vitamin c-ash.

3 months ago

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

3 months ago