Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

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Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

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And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

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Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

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I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

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Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

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“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

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If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

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When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

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Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.