Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

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Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

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Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

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I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

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Things I hate about group work: The group.

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Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

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Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

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Every squad has that person who has to go home early.

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I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

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Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

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Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.