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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,765

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Trending via Discord:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Live now on Messenger:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Going viral on WeChat:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Chasing the carrot and getting a free ride? Talk about multitasking! 🤔🥕🚜"

carrot, cart, chase, chasing, determination, direction, effort, humor, humor in effort, i, lighthearted, mind, motivation, playful, pursuit, same

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

2 months ago
face, friends, humor, loyalty, metaphor, ocean, octopus, relationships, stay, true, waf
I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

1 month ago
adrenaline, am, excitement, feeling, freedom, heavy, heavy metal, honor, i, know, lightning, metal, music, nature, racing, smoke, thrill, thunder, under, wind
Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

1 month ago
actor, actors, chaos, daily, daily life, feel, fresh, humor, humorous, humorous observation, life, observation, people, sitcom, unpaid, unpaid actor
And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

5 months ago
digital, digital file, file, grandchild, grandchildren, humor, i, inheritance, leave, PDF, procrastination, unread
In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

2 months ago
bedroom, fan, humor, joke, love, relationship
I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

1 month ago
again, celebrity, football, game, guy, humor, i, sports, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, today, wonder

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Spreading quickly via Threads:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Just landed via Twitch:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Just landed via TikTok:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Just shared via WeChat:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

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I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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