Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,317

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Seen just now on Slack:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Just landed via Reddit:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Live now on Pinterest:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Going viral on Facebook:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

Going viral on Facebook:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Chasing the carrot and getting a free ride? Talk about multitasking! 🤔🥕🚜"

carrot, cart, chase, chasing, determination, direction, effort, humor, humor in effort, i, lighthearted, mind, motivation, playful, pursuit, same

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Mike is short for Micycle.

0

2 months ago

humor, joke, Micycle, Mike, name, short, wordplay
Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

0

2 months ago

Canada, close, culture, friendliness, geography, holiday, humor, nice, Santa
Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

0

2 months ago

20, account, exclusivity, followers, girl, girls, hot, hot girl, humor, Instagram, media, private, private account, social, social media
I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

0

2 months ago

awful, fitness, healthy, humor, i, irony, walk, walking, zomby
If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, nice, positivity, say, something
So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

0

2 months ago

cooking, dinner, every, forever, frustration, humor, i, just, keep, life, making, night, question, routine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Threads this month:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

67 shares on Threads this month:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

35 shares on X this month:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

95 shares on Slack this month:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

33 shares on X this month:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

74 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Making waves on Slack:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Spotted on YouTube:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Breaking via Facebook:

No open job postings for “Warrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.

Seen just now on Facebook:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Mike is short for Micycle.

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨