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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Another Monday that no one asked for.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,551

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Trending via Facebook:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Just shared via Reddit:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Trending via Pinterest:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Trending via Discord:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Seen just now on Threads:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Making waves on X:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

0
I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.
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Commentary:
Sounds like my fridge and I have the same work ethic: hum a little, pretend to concentrate, and hope nobody notices 🎶🧊😅

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Reddit this month:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

17 shares on Threads this month:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

89 shares on Slack this month:

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

13 shares on X this month:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

57 shares on Twitch this month:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Date night idea: fight another couple.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,356

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Meow means woof in cat.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Trending via Messenger:

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

Going viral on Snapchat:

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

Just landed via TikTok:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’

Seen just now on WeChat:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

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