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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Breaking via Twitch:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Seen just now on TikTok:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Live now on Discord:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Trending via X:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Trending via Threads:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Trending via WeChat:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

2 months ago

0

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seeking advice just to let it float away like a leaf in the wind 🍃 Who needs a Magic 8-Ball when you've got your own mind, am I right? 😂 It's like a choose-your-own-adventure game, but with a real-life twist! 🤔💁‍♂️ #RebelWithACause"

advice, asking, decision making, different, doing, humor, i, love, people, want, what I want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

0

2 months ago

app, dating, food, humor, mat, quirky, relationship, sandwich, Tinder
Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

0

5 months ago

behavior, child, child behavior, cold-blooded, feel, honesty, humor, just, nobody, observation, saying, toddler
When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

0

2 months ago

communication, expectations, feedback, honesty, humor, i, me, nice, open, sarcasm, self-defense, tell, violence
Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, fade, forever, humor, inappropriate, inappropriate humor, looks, twisted, twisted humor
70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

0

2 months ago

am, bullshit, drowning, frustration, here, humor, i, irony, planet, sarcasm, water
I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

0

2 months ago

after, buy, buying, consumerism, financial, financial humor, humor, i, irony, less, money, noticed, something, spending, things, worry, worrying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Facebook this month:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

57 shares on Discord this month:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

32 shares on Slack this month:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

14 shares on X this month:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

My middle finger salutes you.

14 shares on Discord this month:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,249

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

Spotted on Discord:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Breaking via WeChat:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Making waves on Facebook:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Trending via WeChat:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Trending via Snapchat:

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

Just shared via Instagram:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Going viral on YouTube:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Seen just now on Threads:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

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