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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,243

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Shared recently on Twitch:

They expect me to work at work.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Shared recently on Slack:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Trending via Threads:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Spotted on X:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Trending via Messenger:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a retirement fund when you can invest in carbs? 🍝💸 #PastaOverPockets #CarbConnoisseur"

every, food, humor, i, indulgence, lifetime, pasta, penne, savings, spend, supply, think, worth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

0

2 months ago

anyone, bad, confidence, feel, humor, independence, let, motivation, own, self-esteem, self-worth, yourself
A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

0

2 months ago

curryer, delivery, driver, food, food delivery, humor, indian, Indian food, pun
Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

0

2 months ago

affection, angel, compliment, digital, digital interaction, equivalent, forehead, humor, interaction, kindness, kissing, liking, me, media, post, social, social media
Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

0

2 months ago

beer, breakfast, day, food, humor, important, morning, most
Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

0

2 months ago

activity, family, family outing, fun, fun activity, irony, kids, outing, phones, planetarium, take, technology, watch, YouTube
The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

0

2 months ago

accidental, constant, humor, life, lock, lock screen, screen, screenshot, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Threads this month:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

59 shares on Threads this month:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

55 shares on X this month:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Trending via Threads:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Making waves on X:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Trending via Slack:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Going viral on YouTube:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Just landed via Telegram:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Just landed via WeChat:

Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Just landed via WeChat:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨