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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

They’re making me do work at work.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,572

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Trending via Messenger:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Trending via Twitch:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Broadcasted on X:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

2 months ago

0

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a retirement fund when you can invest in carbs? 🍝💸 #PastaOverPockets #CarbConnoisseur"

every, food, humor, i, indulgence, lifetime, pasta, penne, savings, spend, supply, think, worth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

0

2 months ago

borrow, cash, empath, friendship, humor, i, irony, money, need, sarcasm
Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

0

2 months ago

chewing, comfort, family, home, humor, loud, loud chewing, technology, where, Wi-Fi, wifi
Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

0

3 weeks ago

blame, blaming, everyone, everything, hate, humor, person, pick, problem, problems, sarcasm, stop
The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

0

5 months ago

ask, energy, feels, gym, me, need, pyramid, scheme
Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, cycle, daily, daily routine, grocery, humor, just, life, routine, shopping, store
When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

0

2 months ago

assumption, going, hate, humor, i, making, me, relationship, say

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Discord this month:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

99 shares on X this month:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,444

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Just shared via Reddit:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Just landed via Telegram:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Just landed via Threads:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Trending via Telegram:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Just landed via Instagram:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

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