Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,355

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Trending via Facebook:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Live now on Discord:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

Shared recently on Slack:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Just landed via Reddit:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Live now on Discord:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Going viral on Instagram:

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

Going bananas on Facebook:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Going bananas on Instagram:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
That feeling when your sleep schedule thinks it's immune to logic 🤪🛌💤

8, absolutely, anything, bed, bedtime, before, except, exhaustion, going, hours, humor, i, irony, joke, need, procrastination, sleep, tiredness, wake

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

2 months ago

appointment, chores, cleaning, dentist, dentist appointment, humor, i, kitchen, laundry, making, plant, procrastination, saw, watered
Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

3 months ago

awesome, coffee, day, going, humor, i, know, listen, morning, morning routine, motivation, routine, self-awareness, today
Later is the best time to do anything.

2 months ago

best, best time, humor, later, management, procrastination, time, time management
I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

2 months ago

being, devices, humor, humor quote, i, independence, left, love, own, solitude, technology
I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

2 months ago

away, comparison, cords, day, humor, husband, i, keep, need, old, organization, preparedness, screenshot, storage
I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

2 months ago

argument, back, backing, disagreement, humor, i, meme, realization, support

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on WeChat this month:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Making waves on Facebook:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Going bananas on Discord:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Just shared via Facebook:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Going viral on X:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Later is the best time to do anything.

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨