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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,611

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Just shared via Reddit:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Live now on Snapchat:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Breaking via Reddit:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Going viral on Instagram:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Seen just now on TikTok:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Trending via TikTok:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

21 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about the struggle to get enough sleep, humorously highlighting procrastination.

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Commentary:
That feeling when your sleep schedule thinks it's immune to logic 🤪🛌💤

8, absolutely, anything, bed, bedtime, before, except, exhaustion, going, hours, humor, i, irony, joke, need, procrastination, sleep, tiredness, wake

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

58 shares on Threads this month:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Alexa, turn off the planet.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Spotted on WeChat:

Talents: eating!

Spreading quickly via X:

Toxic girlfriend who goes through her boyfriend’s calculator app and asks why he’s doing the equations he’s doing.

Trending via Threads:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Breaking via Messenger:

I like you because we hate the same people.

Shared recently on Discord:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Going viral on Messenger:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Going viral on WeChat:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

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Activity Log ✨

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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