Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Seen just now on X:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Just shared via Instagram:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Just landed via X:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Freshly posted on X:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Going bananas on X:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Shared recently on Threads:

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Story of my life: Mastering the art of time travel, yet somehow still missing the plot! 📱🔄🎥😂"

distraction, humor, miss, missed, missed moment, moment, movie, multitasking, phone, procrastination, rewind, same

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

0

2 months ago

curiosity, dating, future, God, humor, husband, know, relationship, stalker, wants, woman
Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

0

4 months ago

chair, clean, closet, clothes, dilemma, dirty, humor, laundry, laundry dilemma, too, welcome
The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

0

2 months ago

difference, hummingbird, humor, knows, lyrics, music, songbird
The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

0

4 months ago

avoidant, behavior, boy, communication, humor, irony, know, lover, lover boy, man, most, personality, social, social behavior, someone, somewhere, telling
Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

0

2 months ago

beverage, coke, crisp, diet, Diet Coke, drink, humor, i, moan, refreshment, soda
McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

0

2 months ago

fast, fast food, food, good, good health, health, humor, irony, making, McDonald’s, promotion, unaffordable

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

76 shares on Threads this month:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

22 shares on Threads this month:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Just shared via WeChat:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Spotted on TikTok:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Trending via Reddit:

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

Trending via Telegram:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨