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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Seen just now on Threads:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Freshly posted on Threads:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Going viral on Slack:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

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I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.
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Commentary:
Math might not add up, but that's one less headache for me! 🤔🤷‍♂️🧠

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

49 shares on TikTok this month:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

24 shares on Slack this month:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

23 folks are currently checking 👀

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,291

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Drinking a beer alone with terrible posture.

Live now on X:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Trending via Discord:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Live now on Pinterest:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Spotted on Discord:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Live now on YouTube:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

Trending via TikTok:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Making waves on Slack:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

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