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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,665

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Live now on Instagram:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Going viral on X:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Just landed via TikTok:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Going viral on Discord:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

Just landed via Messenger:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Just shared via Discord:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Going viral on Twitch:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Spotted on Slack:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Being closer to the ground just means I'm a pro at finding loose change! 🍀💰"

confidence, down to earth, Earth, height, humor, just, most, people, personality, short

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

For Halloween, you should be mine.

2 months ago

flirtation, Halloween, holiday, love, mine, pun, romantic, should
“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

2 months ago

age, aging, day, discomfort, head, humor, hurts, i, neck, next, night, pain, pillow, sleep, turn, where, wrong
Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

2 months ago

challenge, humor, irony, kill, life, motivation, resilience, still, struggle, survival, trying, whatever
I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

2 months ago

change, confidence, decision, different, every, growth, humor, i, life, life decision, life plan, need, personal, personal growth, plan, realize, self-awareness, unexpected
I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

4 months ago

condiment, cooking, exaggeration, food, humor, i, kitchen, know, love, much, sauce, seasoning, soy, soy sauce, taste, too
I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

2 months ago

bottle, gym, holder, i, just, put, saw, someone, treadmill, water

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Twitch this month:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

47 shares on Threads this month:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

77 shares on TikTok this month:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

93 shares on Slack this month:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

90 shares on Slack this month:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Just shared via WeChat:

For once, I would just like to underthink a situation. How do you guys do that?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Just landed via Reddit:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Seen just now on YouTube:

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Spotted on Instagram:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Broadcasted on X:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

For Halloween, you should be mine.

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨