Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I wish I could physically experience the inside of a lava lamp.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Going viral on Snapchat:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

Spotted on Twitch:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

Just shared via Messenger:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Just shared via YouTube:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Seen just now on TikTok:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Just landed via Discord:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to soup-er charge my cooking skills while people out there are stewing over nothing! 🍲😂🍜

cooking, hatred, here, humor, imagination, imagine, indifference, just, looking, me, over, recipe, soup, soup recipe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

0

2 months ago

blowing, forecast, humor, joke, meteorology, percentage, prediction, should, weather, weather forecast, wind, windiness
I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

0

2 months ago

adult, breathe, breathing, commas, frustration, grammar, hate, humor, i, job, punctuation, tell, work
This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, apocalypse, commentary, dumbest, ever, humor, society
I’m ready to try another planet.

0

2 months ago

adventure, another, exploration, humor, planet, ready, space, travel, try
I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, commitment, determination, die, hill, humor, i, loyalty, preference
If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

0

2 months ago

challenge, clever, difficult, humor, i, math, me, online, post, problem, problems, solve, statistic, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on YouTube this month:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

75 shares on Slack this month:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Spotted on Instagram:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Spotted on Facebook:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Just shared via Twitch:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Live now on TikTok:

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Trending via Telegram:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

I’m ready to try another planet.

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨