Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,368

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Trending via Threads:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I love having plans to cancel.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Live now on Threads:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Isn't it weird how my opinions age like fine wine, while disagreements turn into sour grapes? 🍷😆

confidence, disagree, disagreement, experience, humor, me, opinion, people, sarcasm, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, casual, casual humor, day, ever, everyday, everyday life, humor, image, life, observation, person, skinny, spend, why
I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

0

2 months ago

advertising, commercial, commercials, dance, describe, drug, drug commercial, effect, humor, i, medication, side, side effect, too
I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

0

2 months ago

30, advertising, being, commercial, commercials, creativity, humor, i, insane, insanity, just, mind, perception, perfume, respect, seconds, show, smell
My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

0

3 months ago

customer, customer experience, driver, experience, five, humor, me, rating, ride, silence, stars, talk, transportation, try, Uber
It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

0

2 months ago

argue, crazy, family, hobby, internet, need, people, stranger, strangers, time, waste
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

0

2 months ago

body, doctor, health, humor, joke, laugh, magnesium, me, medical, OMG, pun, run

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

65 shares on Discord this month:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

93 shares on Threads this month:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

21 shares on Discord this month:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

49 shares on Discord this month:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Making waves on Telegram:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Just shared via Telegram:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Spotted on WeChat:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨