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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

Going viral on Discord:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Freshly posted on X:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Trending via Slack:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Isn't it weird how my opinions age like fine wine, while disagreements turn into sour grapes? 🍷😆

confidence, disagree, disagreement, experience, humor, me, opinion, people, sarcasm, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

0

2 months ago

chicken, cooking, emotional, emotional support, food, humor, i, oven, pet, roasting, support
Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

0

4 months ago

15, 15 minutes, car, car insurance, conversation, discount, humor, insurance, joke, minutes, missionary, save, saving, us
I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

0

2 months ago

activity, aspiration, books, career, dream, dream job, figures, fun, fun activity, got, i, job, leisure, paid, park, reading, relaxation, six, six figures, wish
Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, introspection, journal, keep, likes, media, self-expression, social, social media, sure, thought, thoughts, writing
A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

0

2 months ago

analogy, blender, chaos, childhood, humor, old, parenting, toddler, top
They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

0

2 months ago

health, health insurance, humor, insurance, invention, irony, should, wellness

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Slack this month:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

13 shares on Threads this month:

Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

82 shares on Discord this month:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

60 shares on X this month:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Your opinions are not my business.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Going viral on Twitch:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

Spotted on Slack:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Seen just now on Discord:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Seen just now on Messenger:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Trending via WeChat:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Making waves on TikTok:

Another Monday that no one asked for.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨