Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,541

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Going viral on Twitch:

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Making waves on TikTok:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Seen just now on Reddit:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

Trending via Messenger:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Seen just now on Slack:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Just landed via WeChat:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah yes, the parental break alarm just went off—time to cancel relaxation mode! 🚨🤣🍼

behavior, child, child behavior, correct, humor, i, interruption, kid, kids, moment, parenting, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

0

2 months ago

activity, again, drinking, fun, going, humor, later, never, promise, something, today
Not right now. I’m manifesting.

0

5 months ago

excuse, humor, manifesting, mindfulness, motivation, procrastination, right, self-care
My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

0

2 months ago

body, brain, conflict, exciting, fool, humor, inner, inner conflict, listen, motivation, procrastination, something, today
My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

0

2 months ago

again, daily, daily struggle, humor, morning, not again, relatable, sleep, struggle, thought, thoughts, waking, waking up
Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

0

2 months ago

accident, accidentally, hr, humor, mistake, office, personality, real, today, truth, used, work
Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

0

5 months ago

best, cat, humor, name, pet, pet name, royalty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Instagram this month:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

94 shares on Discord this month:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

How is it still this week?

73 shares on Facebook this month:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

13 shares on YouTube this month:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Seen just now on Slack:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Breaking via Instagram:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Breaking via Instagram:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Broadcasted on X:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Live now on Instagram:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Just landed via Instagram:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Going bananas on X:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Live now on Facebook:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

Just shared via Reddit:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨