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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,512

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Just shared via YouTube:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Live now on Snapchat:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Going viral on Messenger:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Making waves on YouTube:

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

Breaking via Threads:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

Just landed via Instagram:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Trending via Threads:

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Trending via Snapchat:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

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Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.
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Commentary:
Ah yes, the parental break alarm just went off—time to cancel relaxation mode! 🚨🤣🍼

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

76 shares on X this month:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

54 shares on X this month:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

29 shares on Slack this month:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,586

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

No more fun facts. I want to know what your last nightmare was about.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Just shared via Discord:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Trending via Reddit:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Spotted on X:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

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