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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Just landed via Telegram:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Live now on Pinterest:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

Just shared via Instagram:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Shared recently on Instagram:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

4 weeks ago

Funny quote about love with dark humor and playful sarcasm.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's one way to prove love doesn't hurt! 😂❤️🌀

dark, dark humor, humor, joke, love, opportunity, pushing, relationships, sarcasm, stairs, teasing

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Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Messenger this month:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

69 shares on X this month:

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

47 shares on X this month:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Shared recently on Threads:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Going viral on Slack:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Going viral on Telegram:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

Shared recently on Discord:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨