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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Trending via X:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

Making waves on Slack:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Just landed via Instagram:

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

Just shared via Messenger:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Funny quote about love with dark humor and playful sarcasm.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's one way to prove love doesn't hurt! 😂❤️🌀

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

99 shares on Discord this month:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

53 shares on Threads this month:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

70 shares on Slack this month:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

10 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,576

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Boyfriends sound cool and all, but unfortunately, I enjoy not talking for days at a time.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Going viral on X:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Just landed via Slack:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Spotted on TikTok:

Glad I didn’t really waste any time studying international law, seeing as how it is fake and meaningless.

Going bananas on Slack:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Going viral on Threads:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Trending via Telegram:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Live now on Telegram:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

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