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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,645

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Just shared via Reddit:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Going viral on Telegram:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Just shared via Facebook:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Just shared via Reddit:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Spotted on TikTok:

Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Wishing you a speedy recovery from the cliffhanger that time forgot 😂📚💔

fandom, fanfic, got, heal, healing, humor, never, update

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

4 months ago

ever, good, good news, humor, irony, negativity, news, withholding
I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

2 months ago

always, am, bed, bedtime, humor, i, laziness, people, readiness, ready, sarcasm, sleep, understand, why
No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

2 months ago

elderly, else, family, fine, grandma, humor, joke, needs, nobody, sarcasm, stairs, today
Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

2 months ago

career, carefree, casual, humor, motivation, never, playful, snack, snacks, sunshine
Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

2 months ago

ask, confidentiality, humor, interaction, joke, me, NDA, privacy, sarcasm, sign, social, social interaction
At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

3 months ago

bag, bag of chips, bedtime, chips, claw, claw clip, clip, daily, daily routine, day, end, end of day, hair, humor, i, move, ritual, routine, snack, snack time, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

52 shares on Threads this month:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

49 shares on Facebook this month:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

46 shares on Discord this month:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Breaking via X:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Trending via YouTube:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Making waves on Threads:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Breaking via YouTube:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Trending via Discord:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨