Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Me leaving the house: I hope I don't see anyone… *immediately bumps into neighbor, ex, and that person I owe money to* 😅🙈 #OutAndAboutDrama"

anxiety, anyone, avoidance, hope, house, i, introvert, leaving, me, social, social anxiety

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

0

2 months ago

affection, eat, enough, fitness, generate, heart, humor, i, intensity, irony, love, muscle, new, protein, romance, think, thought, today, witty
Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

0

2 months ago

desire, flirtation, humor, i, mind, object, relationship, worry
Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

0

2 months ago

adventure, dog, expectation, ghost, ghosts, humor, ID, life, mystery, point, solving, thought, unmasking, van
Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

0

2 months ago

compliment, humor, joke, nice, potato, pun, shame, someone, tater, tots, wordplay
As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

0

2 months ago

flirting, gender, gender stereotype, humor, job, kindness, man, mistake, misunderstanding, stereotype
I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

0

2 months ago

allowed, boxing, competition, face, face punch, humor, i, joke, me, moment, opponent, punch, quit, quitting, sarcastic, sports, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Messenger this month:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

29 shares on Slack this month:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

59 shares on TikTok this month:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Going viral on Threads:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Spotted on X:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨