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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,364

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Going viral on YouTube:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

Seen just now on Instagram:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Going viral on Discord:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Trending via Discord:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Going viral on Slack:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Proof that coffee is cheaper than therapy! ☕😜 #JavaJester"

again, alone, being, caffeine, humor, introvert, kind, kindness, language, left, love, love language, relationships, self-care

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

0

2 months ago

ask, asking, before, Google, help, humor, information, irony, know, knowledge, someone, something, technology, time, works
Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

0

2 months ago

authority, convoluted, convoluted language, just, language, legalese, magic, magic spell, power, rhyme, sense, signal, special, spell, spells, term, terms
I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

0

3 weeks ago

am, bored, boredom, contradiction, emotional, emotional contradiction, feelings, humor, i, irony, mixed, mixed feelings, overwhelmed, same, time
My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

0

2 months ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, crack, good, humor, just, legal, only, taste
Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

1

2 months ago

being, humor, irony, police, questioning, relationship, romance, romantic
I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

0

2 months ago

business, business savvy, childhood, fairy, humor, i, job, outsourcing, parents, savvy, tooth, Tooth Fairy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Slack this month:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

64 shares on Slack this month:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

30 shares on Discord this month:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Just shared via Twitch:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Going bananas on Pinterest:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Just shared via YouTube:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

Going viral on YouTube:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Trending via YouTube:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨