Someone from has copied:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

Someone from has viewed:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Someone from has shared:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from has viewed:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Someone from has shared:

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

Someone from has viewed:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Someone from has shared:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Someone from has copied:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.