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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,255

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Trending via Instagram:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Spotted on Reddit:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Trending via Reddit:

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

Just shared via Pinterest:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Proof that coffee is cheaper than therapy! ☕😜 #JavaJester"

again, alone, being, caffeine, humor, introvert, kind, kindness, language, left, love, love language, relationships, self-care

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

0

2 months ago

chocolate, cravings, eat, hear, humor, i, inner, inner struggle, inside, me, struggle, temptation, voices
I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

0

2 months ago

asking, curtain, down to earth, Earth, expectations, humor, i, intimacy, just, me, over, relationship, shower, shower curtain, someone, touch, want
To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

0

2 months ago

grammar, humor, i, issue, issues, people, period, problem, problems, timing, worry
With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, digestive, digestive trouble, health, humor, lessons, life, life lessons, trouble, wisdom
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, dieting, feels, fitness, good, health, humor, image, loss, motivation, nothing, self-esteem, skinny, weight, weight loss
Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

0

2 months ago

casino, decision making, five, gambling, humor, intuition, luck, odds, right, statistics, three, times

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

65 shares on Discord this month:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

22 shares on Threads this month:

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

It’s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

Just landed via Twitch:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Spreading quickly via Slack:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

Going viral on Snapchat:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Spotted on Discord:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Making waves on X:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Making waves on Twitch:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Going viral on Discord:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨