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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,391

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Seen just now on Telegram:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Breaking via Telegram:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Breaking via Discord:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Spotted on Telegram:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Spotted on Telegram:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Going bananas on Telegram:

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

Live now on Slack:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

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My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.
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Commentary:
When my closet turns into a mismatched puzzle, fashion chaos ensues! 👠👗🤷‍♀️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Reddit this month:

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

50 shares on X this month:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween, I will be okay.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,522

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Just shared via Facebook:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Seen just now on Threads:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

Trending via Slack:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Things I hate about group work: The group.

Going viral on Facebook:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Making waves on Snapchat:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

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