Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,718

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Just landed via Reddit:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Breaking via Reddit:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Freshly posted on X:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Making waves on Slack:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Just landed via Reddit:

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I should stop asking my toaster for relationship advice 🤖🍞

AI, assume, assumption, everyone, humor, i, just, lie, life, modern, modern life, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

0

5 months ago

frustration, health, humor, i, live, living, living situation, mental, mental health, self-deprecation, situation, walk, walks, worse
If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

0

2 months ago

absurdity, ghost, humor, irony, nautical, question, ship, water, why
Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

0

2 months ago

adventure, bad, bad idea, enjoyment, fun, good, good time, humor, idea, just, mean, risk, spontaneity, time
Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

0

2 months ago

calory, counting, diet, eating, food, fun, great, humor, irony, math, not eating, super, things
If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

0

2 months ago

death, frustration, humor, i, office, sarcasm, spread, spreadsheet, today, work
Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

0

2 months ago

i, kindergarten, life, money, saving

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

95 shares on Slack this month:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Trending via Messenger:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Broadcasted on Slack:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

Seen just now on Facebook:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Just shared via WeChat:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨